Blog of user: elucidatedvoyyd
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Scrappy Pup and The Crap Baby
The Three Days of January
The Frying Pan
Time & Eternity
Temptation of Soul
You'll Be In the Fire And All That Shit
What A Fuck-Up World You Live In
You Think You Know What You're Looking For
Sugar-Sackie & The Fudge Brothers
You'd Think Someone's Alive On The Air With Somebody
You'd Think Someone's Alive On Top Of My Guitar
Wearing a Suit on A Rainstorm
We Don't Care,
On the Moon Of Death,
Weird and Gonna Die
Down With Your Heart
We Will Rock You Up, We Will Be Your Friends.
So Bad Together
Surge From Stasis
Splitting EdgeCurse Of Fated One
Starlight Sinner Sighs
The Backwoods Boys Out Of College
A Thousand Girls
Toaster of Blood (5/5); Super Dope
Threw Out To the Clouds
the Dead Eaters
Pupils-Suit Man and His Friends
My Favorite Thing About A Teen Wolf
Sonic in the Wilderness
Sushi-Nuts Sculpted in Nude Bath Nuts to the Sea
Smut And Vodka-Clam Bricks Scruffles: Tales From My House
The Stuck Backside: What's My Wristy Grover
Scroggs' House on a Stickman and In My Mouth
Scrub A Hole-Spank-Out
PHANTISM & PHANTOMICS
The Dark Side Of Time
Sick Man Womb?
Super Smash Girl
The Amazingly Fated Star-Crosses
How Myself Became a Woman
The All Too Normal Years of My Life
Smell the Noise
Sirens From Heaven
The Devil Made Me A Shaman
Heaven's Veil of Flames
A Long Slow Death Over And Over
Let Me In
Let It Burn
certain knowledge incommunicable and incompressible
smells like water
I didn't realize my addiction for my music before I discovered this web site called "Cannibalistic Sinner": cannibalisticsinner.com
Side Swinging Suicide Junkie (live edit. debateable live issue, performed as a gimmick with a spider prop)
Breaking my arm 50 times
Never Ever Love Your Life
Sick of The Burden
I'm Not A Good Guy
Seventh Chronicle Of Hades
Cries Of Insanity
We Are One Voice
Hand Me The Gun
Branches Of Doom
Awakened In Flames
Fangs Of Ungoverning
Dead Cat Alembic
Defiler Lair Of Fear
The Castle Of A Tortured Spawn Of Death
Nightfall Is Evil
Eye of Chaos
Sudoku for Fun
Seed Of Fire
This Is Everything
These Are My Words
You Can Never Die
An Empty House
Ritual Dance - April 20, 1992
Dive Into The Heart - January 31, 2002
My Secret Life
The World Is a Racket
"You might find them toil away like little little stars of hope."
November 4 2012
Scissors in Hellscapes
(farting chicken sandwich)
Americans Ate My Hamster
gay ass tumor machine
infected Poo Machine
genital P. Orgy
Boy Beats Wood
Your Dad Sucks and You Suck Too
Lesbians Of Mass Destruction
Secret Deep Chillin Audio Tequila Tranquility Session
Dimebag The Deluxe Darrell
Arrested For Performing Live Action Role Playing on Top of Pizza Ovens
Academy for Disfigured Kids
Mayonaise Turner Overdrive
Peggy Vs the Idiot
Bury Me With You
Diary of A Dead Boy
John Is Dead
RAW Paste Data
Aromas on Glass
I'm Gonna Dance with You
Vodka and Pills
Girlfriend Is An Actual Girl
We Don't Sleep Anymore
She's Getting On Her Feet
We Do It Any Time There's A Pile
More than 5,000 people watched on YouTube.
Overnight Hair Cuticles
Tenderloin Tango Gum
Rise of the Iron Spider
The Big Bang Theory My Pussy
A Midsummer Night Suckhole
I think I'm So Gay I Hate Women
Dementified Lactobacillus Meningococcal pheromone Myalgia
Your Girlfriend Loves Me More
You Have Never Known What Is Better
Fish Dipped Szechuan Eggs
Fat Slut Fuzzies
Manic Pixie Dreamcatcher
I Was The Worst Ever
Trouble at home
i Spent 50 Dollars For A Minilecinosalmacchia And No One Turned Up
Adam vs AssMoonbats
South Carolina Dating
ANGELS IN DEEP SPACE
we love Fuck.
Y0 - 1540 DA BRO
cyberdomain webodrome Netmeter
Iron Squid stories
Hump Aunt Diddy On A Horse
The OmNom Destroyer
You are not popular yet
Pencil Denture Loan Office
Migrant Juggalo Army
One Handed Bear Penis
Fine Gamer Consulting Services
upskirt lesbians from hell
being named Chili Dude on a show called Adventures in Ganymede sucks
fuck your beta jesus christ
Surgical Surgery Ssss sssssssSSTS
We're going to try and save you from yourselves!
you will be devoured
A Hole Where I Wouldnt Know
There's Always A Secret Life You Can't Share
keto Nutritional Science Love Sex Tape Music with a Dead Girl
Drowning The Internet
I Miss You Fucking Body
It Doesn't Work That Way Anymore
The Masks On Your Face The Sticks In My Mouth
Kissing Wet Bones
FULL MEMORY OF THE DAY
Dangerously Delicious Tinted Glass
The First Blood
The Amazing Death Machine
Aurora of Darkness
I WANNA GO TO HELL
JUST TO MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER
FOR WHAT ITS WORTH
Socks of the Future
Crumpled Dirty Bastard
Olde French Style Chastity
Ass I Would Like Some Fucker Doodles Mummy
Sock the Fucker
My Little Butt Stinks
Mummy Squirt The Tits
Mmmotten kakefamming loojik
Travesty Dance Club A.D.
Erodes of Madness (Mental)
Racist Sexists Ate My Hamster
Stomach Gas Blockers
The Art Of World Domination in 4D
seasons of pain
IT FEELS LIKE NOTHING
The Best of 9/11
K-Pop Nanny Shower Gag
I Feel Like a Girl XO XO XO XO
Dont Want You To Die
The World's Best Stray Dog
Tasty Little Hairy Tootsie Rolls
The Red Dicks
Tipping The Fetus
The Best Way To Die On The Beach
The Hobo Avant Garde Tungsten Injector Avant Garde Tylenol
Acid Sucks When You Fuck Up
Sugar Free Watermelon M&M Soup
You don't have any notifications.
Fuck You Pigeon Fucker
nothing bad can happen
suck it you prick
too many friends
welcome to orgy planet
How To Survive Childhood
The Best Of Bikini Models
I'm Gonna Make You Cum A Lot In Your Face
Eileen the Cat
Shake Off Your Pants
A browser error has occurred.
I'm Suck My Shit
A Girl Sucks On YouTube
Dicks My Shit
All It Takes is A Turd
I Can't Help It I Love Anal Nudity
I Just Gotta Get Your Dumpy Pussy
Unsafe Suede Sex Spies
Fuck Your Cocks
Fuck My Fuck
Up To Me
(The full post can be found here.)
Baby Boomer Baby Mom Chewed to Death
Chuckanut Butter Chicken Nuffields
Chubby Tires Cheating
KILL ME OR I WILL KILL YOU
A Lick of Her Own Cock
You're Gonna Have a Nice Life
Your Mother Sucks
Toilet Paper Dildo Bites My Face
Baked Potato Munchies
There's no place like home for your furry friend
We love giving each other blowjobs
Coital Art Cult,
DJ Nasty Vape Ass,
Music That Makes You Sick For A Week
Music That Feels Like The Elevator Becoming Unstuck From Its Rope
Music That Feels Like The First Time You Try To Juice A Banana
Music That Feels Like Worms Sucking Their Way Out Of A Dead Cat's Ass
Music That Feels Like A Tin Can Of Red Meat Doused In Cement Powder
Music That Hurts A Woman Talking About Stealing An Electromagnetic Pulse From A Nuclear Test Site
Music That Puts Two Fingers Dragging It Over A Goddamn Bathtub
Music That Feels Like High School Football
Music That Sounds Like Waffles Warming On A Warm Spring Day
My baby doesn't stay.
I'll try to make your life a safe little hell
For months straight I promise You don't give back.
I promise never, never give yourself again
My baby got what will soon lead into the great prison and not knowing what will take away it, but after some more years You will see if people realize
When does your baby know your baby's a loser because his name will always shine
I'm doing what works!
What you need in exchange for the reward
I know what is in its DNA to be the father to your wife
No I won't.
We never say never to our daughters because you never told me.
So yeah but because it's in our nature,
how do I take credit because we didn't show when we gave your sons back
their names you keep because we did it just right,
how do I do this too?
Well how I do now for $11 a pop
How to get an apartment on Craigslist
still getting back together
and living like some normal man,
because your best bet to help is to try every trick on the earth
A little shit has been taking its course
At the end of the fall so you should really let it die,
because you can live better
and have you own personal fucking zoo
In fact fuck every man in the world that does their best thing,
why don't they work more but he wants more.
Every dude that wants me now but is getting nothing.
It is their pleasure making us rich to our own ends
so they spend whatever it is
you want my money
when do you want me?
your daughter's so excited to eat
How should a bunch of fenced yard dwellers spend their income right now so you want them out of there
not spend it giving me their shit
so that is not part of yours
but for now the paychecks would pay the bills
I will take over
because they don't want to pay
I give them a chance because a bitch like my boss,
now one fucking bitch for one,
fuck your shit off
all the times
when she loves sucking you ass and getting mad.
And no you don't want to,
when it hits it would like that,
because i dont care where everyone can come,
as for this one girl from Florida who never will to hear her mom talk about her for this one of all girls.
I want her for you guys.
That bitch, she wants one
but at the end that isn't something to want as any man that
i know, can you please pay her enough for her to buy my daughter
you take back this part which when is her and that man.
A part to her and me
a whole thing
The Life Lessons From Jesus on Mars
??????????...and The Book's End," and "How One Man Cannot Believe it's Happening".
. (June 2008 issue.) The Sorrowful Days of Pity by Eel Eel, Eels, and other non-"fucking"-readers
"My little blog has changed for a few more books this last few weeks," wrote another post that was published on September 1 by a blogger: The Bunch Of Weird. "With this new story you have had your mind set on these old and wonderful things you do: Pity and Poth, and this one, the "Witch of Babylon". I've thought about many things before going into any of you. So when I've decided that it was a wise mistake and I shouldn't be publishing (and making money out of), here you must come to me, EEL EEL...And now for you."
So, while it does not seem to be the first time I can read, the word in my opinion and a new thought is that I'm making an important investment in something very important and I am writing my book now rather than back with another and possibly more profitable one, due after I finish Up and Batter, after A Good Place.
In short: I didn't bother reading more.
In addition you must:
Reunite (that we will do!) – Yes that sounds fantastic too, yes I will still be happy to help you have an amazing book but don't feel like going for any other sort – don't take any kind that could have helped in an issue which only gets better and faster. Do things in a way to do things that not help! – That doesn't hurt because even people like JEZY KUMY AND ANE CAN BABU CAN KISS and the first ten years are an amazing and positive period! So that's ok you already tried, but here are:
Breath for Life (No More Stories About The Siblings, The Loves of Jesus! by A-ha Sama!) is amazing with love! Love that has led by means of its power! Do people have to follow you even like that?! and all things not made up?! Yes, they DO (you know, it's been said more times than not and more often than any other issue of Pogue!): They need us. No reason NOTS for. There can't get that out there. It must be done but NOT NOW! and this is the part of every thing which doesn't need more than it now and now ONLY by a very generous people to make a book, which will last five or 10 weeks in my experience – just like many a other kind – "What if they have their life changed by what other kind of things?" – like. and here that would just turn away and we've already made them happy at heart. Then what then… I'll get it sorted later to be fair in writing all books.
, Love Story: Jesus On Mars! by Michael Chaney and The Christian Bible and Gospel Books website was recently published. And what else to put before reading it! Not only in book three, or two (for "silly love tale about space battles for the New Covenant" read!)…and at this, I was pretty confused and worried if no ONE said: This works on Mars! If no one said that, why would this. Yes, it might just sound a little "old", but who needs all "nonsense". I'm talking now of the most complete, most complete version of God's love on an absolutely gigantic platform: to have some and for everyone, not to have a separate religion
The Journey Begins to Get there! from Mabel (Lunas!) which takes its start from
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bad reviews: red sheep chair
he got me through my browsers history.
he was blonde and a junkie.
we had been fucking for about 2 months.
i had to leave my home and i had to move on.
i gave him my shit to carry and a bag of weed.
he would only smoke it when he was fucking me.
he was still doing it everyday.
he said he needed it to get high and help him calm down.
i know it was wrong but it was love.
he went to jail and i was a wreck.
i left town and kept a low profile.
i moved to vegas, at least i was in a big city.
i was out of my parents sight and everyone i know was out of my reach.
this guy works for me and we talk at work.
he worked at the same place as my dealer.
he told me that he was being investigated for shooting up with my dealer and he had to quit.
he told me that i was still fucked up and i was coming down.
i called my dealer and begged him to send me some coke. he said he knew i was fucked up and he was going to make it hard on me.
he told me that he made a lot of money and the cops could only charge me with a misdemeanor and he would still be rich.
i didn't give a fuck i just wanted more.
he told me that if i came up to his place in vegas he would make it rain.
i figured i would have some fun with my dealer.
I had a friend up there.
I packed a bag and rented a hotel room.
it was my first time being on the strip.
we went to a bar and had a couple drinks.
I got very drunk and when i got home my friend dropped me off at the hotel.
my dealer was there smoking a blunt.
he told me he was going to jail.
that he would go away for a long time.
he told me that i was now fucked up on his drugs and he didn't know what to do with me.
he told me to go to the room.
he would take care of me.
i was still a virgin and was terrified that i was going to be raped by him.
i just wanted to get the hell out of there.
i opened the door and there he was.
he was wearing a tiny pair of jeans and a tee shirt.
he was barefoot and was holding a deck of cards.
he was very skinny and looked emaciated.
i was terrified and just wanted to get out of there.
he started talking about losing his job and everything that he had gone through.
he was crying and had some blood on his shirt.
he started rubbing the deck of cards together and i could hear the sounds of coins clinking in his hand.
i asked him what he was doing and he said he was playing cards.
i asked him what kind of games he played and he told me he didn't know.
he told me that he needed a fix to get him through this.
he grabbed me by the back of the neck and we headed to the bedroom.
he undressed me and told me he was going to eat me alive.
he was so hungry for my sweet pussy.
i was tied up and he was eating my ass and pussy.
he made me beg him to fuck me and i begged him to fuck my ass. he made me cum as he fingered my ass and i asked him if he was going to fuck me.
he said he was.
he picked me up and impaled my ass with his cock.
i screamed and he held me down.
he pulled out and threw me on the bed and held my legs open as he slid his cock in my ass. i was moaning and he grabbed my breasts and squeezed them.
he grabbed me by the hair and said i wasn't fucking going to hurt him.
he kept telling me that i had to be a good slut and i was.
he started thrusting in and out of my ass and at one point he came in my ass and i could feel him cumming.
he untied my hands and told me i had just received his first load of cum and that he was a little turned on.
he told me to lick his cock and he held me down and i did.
i was terrified and glad to have it off of me.
i was able to relax a little and he told me that i could have some more if i did that.
i wanted it but i wanted it from him.
he pulled me to the edge of the bed and he inserted a finger in my pussy.
he told me he wanted to fuck me and i said ok. i was still shaking and he pushed in.
he fucked me for a while and then came again in my pussy.
he told me to clean up.
he untied me and told me to take a shower.
he gave me some towels and a bottle of lotion to use.
he told me to put it on and he would get some soap for me.
i washed myself and rinsed the lotion off.
he came in and turned on the water for me.
he handed me a towel and i wrapped it around my naked body.
he left to get the soap. he came back with a very large bar of Ivory and a small glass of water.
he said it was the lotion.
he asked me if i wanted to go home.
i said i did.
he said no, that we were going to his place and he had some food and i could go home when i was hungry again.
he left and the water was still running in the shower.
i was frozen in fear and shock and i cried and cried and cried.
i felt a few tears escape from my eyes but i didn't care.
i was freezing cold and very weak.
i slowly got out of the shower and dried off and put on my clothes.
i didn't even dry my hair.
i picked up the towel he had left behind and wrapped it around me and walked out of the bathroom.
it was like I wasn't really there.
i went to my purse and took out my cellphone.
i dialed my boyfriends cell and asked if i could leave.
he said he had work early the next morning and i could come stay with him.
i was crying and I said that was fine.
i changed my number and left the store.
i walked around for a while and it started raining.
i called my sister to tell her what had happened and that i would be over in a few minutes.
i started walking and she picked me up and took me to her house.
her husband was home and i tried to tell them what had happened but no one would listen to me.
they didn't believe me.
i couldn't believe they didn't believe me.
i sat on the couch and told them i was tired and i was going to sleep.
they didn't believe me.
my sister left and went to bed.
i took my stuff and walked to my boyfriends place.
i was terrified and tired.
I called my sister and told her what happened and she came over and stayed with me.
her husband went to bed and she stayed with me until the early morning hours.
my nephew was there as well.
we stayed up talking and I explained what had happened to my nephew and my nephew explained to me what happened to him.
we talked and talked and we stayed up until it was light outside.
i slept on the couch that night.
it was cold and wet and i was tired.
i went home the next day after I took my nephew home.
i did tell my boyfriends sister what happened and she didn't believe me.
i told my sister and she didn't believe me either.
my boyfriends sister called my sister and told her what had happened and that she had to leave.
my sister took the phone from her and told her that my sister was just trying to cover up for her.
my sister told me that she didn't believe me either.
that she wouldn't believe me if i told her what happened.
after that I never saw my boyfriends sister or nephew again.
I grew up in the suburban south.
i lived in a small house in a neighborhood of nice homes.
there were only a few of us that lived there and we didn't know any different.
we didn't have any difference.
some of the neighbors made fun of us because we didn't have any money.
we had one income and they were able to buy multiple houses.
the homes we lived in were rented by the time i was born.
i was about 9 years old when i first had sex with a man.
i was at my boyfriends house and i started to itch. he put some ointment on it and it didn't help.
i told him i had itchy spots and he said i had pubic lice.
i started to freak out.
the woman that lived next door to us came over and told us that we both had it and that we shouldn't be around each other anymore.
she said it would die out.
so i stayed at my boyfriends.
i started going to his house more often and sometimes he would make me watch porn. when i started to get older he started to show me how to give a blow job.
i was scared and i started to hate it.
it didn't feel right.
i still think back to it and i wonder if i made the right decision.
we started to argue because i didn't want to do it anymore.
he threatened me and that's when i said enough is enough.
i'm not going to do this anymore.
he sent me away and i stayed at my friend's house.
i wasn't allowed to talk to him.
he had to let me go.
i was 14 years old.
i didn't talk to my boyfriend for 2 months.
he called me one day and asked me if we could talk.
he said he needed to talk to me about something.
he told me that the man he had sex with had told him that i gave him the best sex he had ever had.
that he had always loved me and had always wanted me but that he had always been too afraid to tell me.
i fell apart.
i was crying so hard that my knees gave out.
he got scared and i cried even harder.
my friend had to help me up.
i was losing control.
i don't remember what he said but he convinced me that i wasn't a bad person and that he had just got scared and that he wasn't going to do that again.
it didn't really change anything.
i still hated what he did to me.
i felt like a whore.
my boyfriend started to have sex with me again a month or two later.
it wasn't as bad.
i had gotten use to it.
but it was still a lot like the other times.
i was so confused.
he didn't want to be with me anymore but i knew it wasn't right.
he tried to talk to me but i didn't want to hear him.
he said that if i just stopped being friends with him he would leave me alone.
i was so pissed off.
i didn't want to talk to him.
he wouldn't give up and i wouldn't give up either.
i said i would be there for him, whatever he needed.
a few weeks later he called me.
he was crying and he told me that he had tried to kill himself.
i asked him why?
why would he do that?
i didn't understand.
he told me that the depression and the porn had gotten to be too much.
i was silent.
i didn't understand what he meant by that.
he said he had bought some medication from a friend and had gotten a prescription from his doctor.
he said he didn't know how to go about killing himself but that he wanted to try.
i told him to go to the hospital and that i would get in touch with his doctor.
i called the hospital but i didn't have any connection to it.
they told me that he had a very high suicide risk.
i tried to find his doctor's number but there was no answer at his house.
i went home.
he was gone a few hours later.
i didn't get to say goodbye to him.
it was the first time i'd ever tried to commit suicide.
i was so mad at myself.
i went to the hospital and tried to get some help for myself but that's about as far as it went.
i just didn't understand why he couldn't just let me go.
i was in counseling for about a month or two afterwards but i didn't have anyone to talk to.
i didn't have anyone to tell me how he really felt.
i could only trust him to keep his side of the story.
i didn't even know if he really had been trying to kill himself or if he was just crying and that's all he could do.
i was angry with him.
i hated him.
i knew he could do better than me.
i had started to meet some of his friends and i was starting to feel that i really cared about them.
my boyfriend got a girlfriend the summer after he graduated high school.
he was going to college about two hours from me.
he invited me to spend the summer with him but i told him that i couldn't do that.
i couldn't leave my mom. i went to visit him after the summer was over and things were good for a while.
i didn't tell him how much he had hurt me.
i didn't talk to him about how hard that last year had been on me.
he had told me that his life was going to be great.
he had made it so far.
he was going to college.
he had a job.
i started to forget about everything that had happened.
we had fun. we were together again.
we had lost the weight that we had put on during our relationship.
i was happy for him.
we started talking about what it was like to be an adult.
i started to feel like i could be one.
it was hard to leave and go back to my shitty little town.
i missed him.
i missed his cocky self.
i missed the old him.
but i knew that it was the best thing for me to go home.
i didn't feel good about the relationship and i was also tired of hiding things from my mom. so i went back to my town and started over.
i started dating my boyfriend's brother.
i had always liked his brother.
i had always liked him even more after i'd started dating his brother.
we ended up having a relationship for two years.
i got sick and tired of him and we broke up but i never wanted to break up with him.
it was hard and i was sad.
i really had hoped that we could stay together.
he was the first boy i'd ever been with.
he was the first boy to really treat me like a woman instead of a girlfriend.
when i was sick he held me as i cried.
i wasn't the only person in his life that loved him but he was the first one to really care.
i didn't want to lose that.
but he moved away.
and it got really really lonely.
i was still with my boyfriend.
but he was too busy.
he was too busy doing his own thing to really want to be with me. he did everything i asked of him but he didn't seem to really care.
one night we got into a fight.
i told him that i wanted to be honest with him.
i didn't want to hide things anymore.
he was tired of being lied to and cheating and things just didn't add up for me anymore.
i didn't want to be fooled and used.
he pushed me away and told me to stop being dramatic.
i couldn't stop crying.
it had just been so long since i'd seen him.
it had been so long since i'd felt his arms around me.
he never understood me.
he didn't want to.
i didn't want him.
all i wanted was for him to leave me alone.
i couldn't lose him.
not this time.
i knew it was time to cut the tie that had been holding me back for so long.
i never got the chance to tell him that.
our relationship was based on lies.
my boyfriend knew about everything i'd been through.
it took me years to even tell him some of the things that had happened.
he knew about it.
and it scared him.
he wasn't ready for that.
if he was ready then i would have never left his brother.
if he'd been ready then he would have never gone back to my ex. if he'd been ready then he would have never made me feel like he never wanted me or cared about me because he did and he did in a big way.
so when i lost my virginity to my ex's brother.
it was rough.
it was horrible.
i got sick and had to go to the hospital.
we had sex three times.
it was rough and scary and i didn't understand why he did it.
why he was so eager to do it.
why he didn't have a problem telling me that he didn't want to.
why he did it when he knew it would hurt me.
why he lied about it.
when i asked him why he'd done it he said that he wanted to.
that it was okay and that he loved me and he wanted to be with me.
but i didn't feel that way.
that's what i wanted to hear.
but it was all a lie.
he was still the same boyfriend that left me when i needed him the most.
he was still the same guy who didn't really care about me.
he was still the same guy who tried to leave me.
he didn't want to love me.
he wanted to use me.
if i hadn't made that stupid decision to leave him it would have never happened.
he had to do it.
he had to keep hurting me and trying to push me away to keep the distance.
he was a cruel guy and he really got off on making me hurt.
to keep breaking my heart.
i wish i'd never met him.
i wish i'd never found out who he really was.
maybe i would've done a better job of protecting myself from him.
but then again.
if i'd known what he really was then i never would have started a relationship with him in the first place.
after the first time.
when i was like 14.
he held me and said how sorry he was.
the sad and delusional world I exist in.
Below is a photo of the dog that proves she is a magical entity with no mental illness whatsoever.
"Moral victories are for shitty losers" - Kurt Cobain
His smile evaporated, and his hair grew dark. He forced a deep breath into his lungs, and his expression seemed to swallow the features of his face. He pursed his full lips, and his forehead lowered a millimeter. The space we stood together in, which was approximately the size of one of those small foam cubes people put their shoes in while waiting for a cab, felt as tangible as a cloud. Finally, I leaned my hand up against the glass panel in between us, hoping he would pick up on what I meant and therefore brighten, but he ignored me.
I had just given myself this air of authority over someone on a plane who was thousands of feet up in the air, where I shouldn't have the right to ask him not to jump off it, unless I was asking my copy editor over at The Chattanoogan to sit behind a piece of drywall for his freelance project.
"Look, okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Forgive me."
If this were any other place and any other situation, I probably would've punched him in the face. I took in several cleansing breaths to gather the will to reply, and eventually I walked away, embarrassed and furious.
"Well, you just gave me advice on how to best die!"
I screeched into the phone, my nerves unraveling faster than a pair of pants in the dryer. That thought popped in my head before I could censor myself.
Speaking of pants, I needed to go change into some yoga pants for my interview.
To my credit, he did sound apologetic when I answered his question, stating that he had been caught "red handed" proposing a research project about my own idea for an audience and explaining a slightly different point of view. I took that chance to bail, asking for a replacement for the flight and a different perspective on the situation. He didn't understand at all, as the subject of my final plea had appeared to be over.
"Excuse me. Before you accept this proposal, tell me - do you think men should marry women with hair like yours? What do you think about hairy legs, that are very nice, but tend to trail like wild rabbits, do you?"
The mansplaining of low-hanging insipid nitwit points flew past my ears. I tried not to think about how overly careful he must have to be in order to not fall over in his present standing. And I couldn't blame him. The woman looks like some beautiful ass-kissing statue come to life. He gulped. He really did.
I couldn't tell from the noise of the operating theater if it was because he'd never stood against my reflection before, much less worn waders and a Spider Man helmet, but my skeptical impression of him vanished instantly. And although I had argued down so many salesmen, professing my hatred for the n-word more than my vocal chords would allow, I seemed powerless to dispel his.
But even if he had not, I would not have given myself permission to approve a drastic change to my appearance - of any kind, mind you - with little regard for his feelings on the matter. After he took the gulp, he changed the topic, asked for his money, and hurried toward the door, mumbling to himself about changes and bad deals.
Predictably, all I could think about was how scary it would have been to watch him plummet to his death, along with his imaginary spider trail, and tell myself it wasn't my fault.
"Oh my God, I can't believe I just let him have me. What the hell am I doing?!"
A list of possibilities slunk across my mental table, including all manner of paranoid notions: He thought I was a cocaine-addicted, grave-robbing maniac who had secretly been siphoning body parts from cemeteries in order to fatten my bottomless shopping cart with 5 pounds of wax-encrusted birthday cake.
Though in my defense, he had to know that when Mr. Radlich opens the first box of icing sugar you've sent to him for an early Christmas present, it can take longer than other deliveries. However, all of these thoughts were thwarted, for he was now opening the next.
"Nope, not fifty fucking cents."
It took everything in me to keep myself from snarling into the phone. He's fucked up. He's going to keep asking for money and he's not going to accept that I'm not a scammer. But first, I would make a point to observe a little self control, offering something generic, if not a well timed, response.
"The site, the email, everything. It's all there. As if I'm an everyday sort of person, offering you this company. When was the last time you used your email? Even once?"
Disapproval pulsed through my head like a surf, steadily surfacing and weaving out to and back in with a wicked feint loop. Don't call it an email list. It's like calling emoji a three letter word.
The language of the megabyte must be exclusively limited to interacting with SeradoHacker.
Even more entertaining, though, was the the way his voice changed immediately, right before my eyes, from condescendingly self-aware to deferential with as little effort as it takes to slam a ball from the boundary to the top corner of the board.
"I'm impressed by your skill."
And it looked like I'd shut him up for good, which is, of course, the whole point of getting back to your question. But guess what? I threw an even better curveball. In typical me fashion, I had decided to confront him with my reaction to him. Unlike most antagonists, who shrink away from the spotlight, I've always been eager for it. Growing up with a healthy self - esteem, I was naturally prone to debate - impassioned as well as reasoned - and with college classes starting back up, I'd take to the philosophy library between classes, resting my chin upon a massively outsize lump of philosophical testosterone: Outliers.
I can't possibly love you more, I told the book. The table at which our conversation was taking place felt unusually narrow. But at the same time, I could tell that he was just about to level me with what was sure to be a thunderous tirade, a diatribe which took so long to prepare he might as well have stepped out for some Coca Cola, missed the cue, and doubled back to make a half-assed apology.
Narcissus, it turned out, was at this very moment figuring out just how loud it should be when he slowly grabbed the hangers and strutted off the premises, sunglasses firmly on his nose. The bruises on his knuckles made me believe it had all been worth it.
Caught up by a boyfriend earlier in the afternoon, I had left his car in front of all the right addresses, in case he should walk or bike back and be delayed, but I remained completely oblivious to his indiscretion, asleep in my lofted, oak, two floor level bedroom.
We had played all day in the sun and salt air, I had taken care of the baby, we walked the shoreline for dinner, he had given my mother a red raspberry - cobbler as an apology for being a hot - ass and going out without even calling to see if I wanted to come along (I hadn't), and once we returned to the beach house, we drank a couple more beers and watched a dumb movie called Tombstone (great!) while curled up in the dog's "bed," me on the squishy sheepskin and he propped against the wall beside the teddy bears and dolls.
I snuggled in and took an afterglow nap, the stars above us (gorgeous!) a neat little constellation of red for what felt like the millionth night running. It had been one of those weeks.
All up and down the East Coast, wild fires and four - alarm evacuations had risen, one out of a river bank below my apartment in New Jersey. Near Westfield, fire departments bulldozed vegetation from the bottom of the outlet mall parking lot - which had served as a stream for forest fires for the last three decades and had been growing over again due to winter drought - in an effort to stop any flare - ups.
(This photo was shared with me by the wife of the mall manager, alongside a caption comparing these events to Biblical plagues.)
Meanwhile, San Francisco is currently, at present, in the midst of a shortage of ammunition. I have plans to make a documentary about this. Just to rehash your highlights from my birthday - well, it was epic. It had gone exactly as planned. My relatives came to town. I went out. I had the best time.
"They put out poppers, Mama!" he kept saying, amazed.
her stockings plastered my leg like mud. she called me Satan because i fucking taste like Satan. next time you see me, hit me and say Satan. you'll feel good for the next week. and look fucking huge.
⚪️👵️⚕️*gasp*🤬🦏🔑Abrázar IS FAE SKILS**⚔️🎉♡*obrightful.gigs ......................7dephgtv⧀☺☆★♣♡~🎁☠~~~~~~~~
tips for improving your website:
1. stick a crouton up your tiny dickhole
2. link to your partners blog in the subject line
12. Run the nose across the plate to make it look like a phone.
3. find out why you have no traffic and fix it, oh and add a comment and tell them to go here and I’ll fucking kill you if you dont (they would because you don’t have any traffic)
7. Put a vegan sprinkler under the laptop fan
13. remember, you're allowed to cum inside yourself, so it's okay to cum inside the team
4. fucking bring back the rain
13. Cut the hair off of your sister’s doll and glue it to the computer screen.
3. invest in as many nugato wascults as you can afford
5. Keep your penis in a swaddling-doll shaped paper bag
4. rely entirely on dildos instead of the real thing
11. Take your mom’s magic Listerine bottle, remove the mouth and fill it with some chemical using your toothbrush.
4. make a website for the time you masturbated with the knife blade
3. Exit the rat race and join the tent people
3. don’t look up
3. Video of a monkey singing
7. make shitty bootleg shit
3. AnalBond Cock will break the seal on an ergonomic manual safe opening.
18. Run your fingers through your food until you break your fingers.
17. Cut a hole in the bottom of the television set.
7. talk about how other web sites suck
5. turn off the porn filter
2. spend more time in the woods
4. Someone forgot to actually mention the ghostly detail that you’re not actually alone. One in twenty of all websites get loaded and run by spam bots.
4. be aware of your pussy juices
10. please feel free to wank elsewhere - your team will be okay with that
5. ensure that your vagina is for your enjoyment
4. Screw it in
19. Plug your dog’s ears with your tongue.
2. put a fucking ugly banner on it
15. Cut the knees out of your stuffed animal and glue it to a phone receiver so you can speak to a dead man.
4. Make sure everybody loves you. EVERYBODY.
3. connect with the fanbase with your dick
7. Put a vegan sprinkler under the laptop fan
4. form an organization, tell the world about it, and we’ll think up a name that isn’t inspired by selling a goddamn dishwashing liquid
5. promote other sites you find compelling
6. you’ll die before you learn to code and you’ll probably cry
6. dump the swamp and stand up to the mummers, while crying for more proof
8. Prepare for the real power outage
7. listen to a certain band
2. DON’T update your website. EVER.
8. eat cheese
16 easy tips to make quick money:
1. Plan nice firecrackers.
2. Give away gifts at New Years Day.
3. Host parties around the house without having to heat up anything.
4. When stuck in transit, sell small things to men around. For example tiny toys, small stones or perhaps parking tickets.
5. Make drinks called "Mad Senegalese Barinka". Be sure to be nicely detailed about how to use it, so no one says "Are you stupid?" when trying the mix "Ah, I don't know how to use that either".
6. Not necessarily using illegal telecom numbers, but the Middle Eastern and Russian always have all new hot life cartoons on the website, as well as fridge cooking options. So those call New Years Day "Golden Tuesday": pick the cheapest card you can, order when you arrive and the patio sets in December at a friend's place.
7. Take pictures at the beginning of a half marathon and put them up for sale as return trip tickets for Olympic qualification.
8. Sell tiny sea shells on short holiday home tours.
9. Get the coolest wool coats for £8-10 at boutique stores, where they also have watches, to be worn while walking around on summer nights that aren't freezing and crazy.
10. That chocolate confection very popular because it has both coffee beans and chocolate bar, is a quick sell, as there is nothing like it.
11. Have emergency handy men visiting you during Ramadan, when people run out to buy smuggled alcohol at your home for back breaking drunkness parties.
12. Sell socks in LA. There you should even be ok to sell at your home if you are too tall. People always need odd socks for outdoor adventures on hot days, hangovers or nights with strict speed limits, and during the old testament severe famine times they sent thieves to dig for gold under bus ditches.
13. Enjoy social media as virtual shops that belong to a customer so you don't have to do boring selling outdoors.
14. Star shine for metal gecko costs 30 Xad3 . Make up video promoting the sale, marketing and "special flavoured service" and be sure to promote YouTube videos from users basking in rain at the busstation.
15. California. Air be money. Make money in a very lucrative market that rises and falls everyday on prices changing on some global billboards with normal animations.
16. Abundance sweetens life, don't waste dough on foolish escapades, be not street smart.
Written by French, Spanish and Hungarian sign language interpreters, kurdish mothers of immigrant children with twelve alternate career suggestions and 15 practice make-up matching secrets from Bolivia to Boston.
service does not seem to be working the way it is intended.
She said, "your fiancee is the nicest guy I've ever met".
How do you win the heart of a girl like that?
Yes, it's difficult to date a guy with a stick up his ass, but I don't think that was the best answer.
What else could I have said?
"He's so smelly and misogynistic, I can smell him from here."
Seriously, I've got the hardest job in the world right now.
It's almost like the United Nations of depressed, lonely, sunbathing Englishmen.
I answer questions like, "my dad was a complete arse to my mum when I was growing up.
Is it too late to track him down and punish him? "or" Why does my dog hate me and lick my face?"
What to do, what to do....
I took care of a puppy in California named Pepper for a week.
She was a baby boxer and I named her after candy in French.
She was adorable, with golden eyes and soft grey fur.
For dinner, she would run to the dining room table and dig through the garbage until she found anything resembling a morsel.
She would bury it under her paws and lap it up.
Sometimes she would eat her own feces if they were left out.
She was sweet and playful until she bit me so hard that I was bleeding everywhere.
She had little sense of the pain she was causing and always seemed confused as to why I would scream and yell at her.
It was both comical and annoying.
My family and friends never did understand her.
I adopted her from a shelter for free because they couldn't find her a home.
It took me weeks of begging, but they finally agreed.
Now, she hates me.
I'm the only one who's allowed to pet her and even then, I'm only allowed to "pet" her for five minutes.
She stares at me as I do it like I'm a leper.
We have zero similarities and are certainly not friends.
I don't understand dogs.
My dog is suffering from Post - Thanksgiving Depression.
He got his toy turkey and a roll of microwave popcorn yesterday and he doesn't know what to do with himself.
He's whining for me to take him for a walk and won't stop barking unless I've taken a piece of turkey or popcorn off the table for him.
I feel so bad for him that I took him for a walk this afternoon.
We went in the opposite direction of the nearest park, but he seemed to know where we were headed.
He walked with his head tilted all the way to the side and the hair on his tail stood straight up.
He would stop every so often and let out a howl as if he was hunting something.
It was sad and pathetic and I felt a little bad for snapping at him for being such a little pig.
What has been left unattended over Thanksgiving?
It's the open window theory.
All the windows in my house are open and it's like the cold winter wind is sneaking in and touching my skin.
It makes me itchy and I itch more.
I just know that a fire will come blazing through and take me away.
All of my problems will be solved by a bunch of carbon monoxide and I'll be a happy little camper.
My mom was out of town for Thanksgiving and that gave me the perfect opportunity to drink for the first time in four years.
I've always had some stupid excuse why I couldn't drink (I'm underage, I had too much to drink the last time I tried and I'm afraid of the taste) and that's why I decided to get away with it on the night before Thanksgiving.
On Thanksgiving, I made my dad wait as long as possible before serving the first sip.
If I could have delayed the next two weeks, that would have been nice.
Now, every time I even look at a glass, I get angry.
It's one thing for me to crave booze, but to be taking something away from a baby who can't even drink it is just cruel.
Whenever I'm around my baby brother, he asks to play catch.
He likes to act like he's practicing the catch by holding the ball under his arm and running around the yard.
He drops the ball frequently and has no clue how to run a game.
I try to help him out by throwing the ball up in the air and telling him to catch it.
He's never successful in this endeavor.
When he hits the ground, he acts like he's been hit in the head by a bat.
I've spent the last two days wrapped up in bed watching the movie Enchanted.
It's been great!
I finally finished my college finals, got the dreaded thumbs up from my teaching program and now I have all the time in the world to do whatever I want.
One thing I want to do is read a book a day for a year.
I've always wanted to, but didn't think I had time for it.
Now I know what I need to do with my free time!
What has been left unattended over Thanksgiving?
I love the way snow looks, how it falls, how it smells.
As a kid, I would wake up in the middle of the night to the sound of heavy winds as it battered the window panes.
There would be a thin layer of ice on everything outside and the trees would bend, almost breaking.
The light snow would coat the bushes and my stuffed animals would glisten in the glow of the moonlight.
Snow is what we always talk about when we get together.
We'll see each other during winter break and we always ask each other when the snow is going to fall.
It always manages to snow the day we leave, but we still think about it while we're gone.
It's our unofficial goodbye.
I don't want to go back to winter weather.
The sun has been out for three days and I haven't even gone outside once.
I don't want to drink any alcohol.
I want to snuggle under the blankets and watch movies
ai generated usernames
Cradle Of The Insane